I was no more directly affected by the events of 9/11/01 than any other person in the country. I’ve always felt weird trying to do any special blog entries on the anniversary because I have nothing better to add than the millions who were actually directly affected by having loved ones die, or by living in cities forever scarred by the attacks. So, on the anniversary, I always try to do an act of kindness for every year that has passed since the original event. That’s 14 acts of kindness today that I’ll do deliberately in memory of that terrible day and in honor of all of those who died tragic deaths at the hands of those terrorists. Feel free to steal my idea, as I stole it from someone else almost a decade ago.
SO! I have an interesting parenting situation! Nikki wants a haircut in October (she has to have long hair for an upcoming wedding) that will require a trip to an actual salon. It’s a unique haircut that could go very wrong in the wrong hands, but I have a friend who had something similar done, so I want to take Nikki to her salon to be safe. BUT. That’s a much bigger chunk of money than the standard $20 (that’s including tip) haircut from the walk-in place by Target. Donnie feels like Nikki should pay for the difference and I disagreed at first, but couldn’t really give a good excuse why I disagreed.
The way he looks at it, anything she chooses above the “norm” that we would pay for, for Wesley or E, should cost her money so she’ll understand the cost of it. But, of course, being a girl is just more costly – right? When it comes to hair/makeup? So how do we deal with that in a fair way?
It’s really gotten me thinking a lot because Donnie has a very valid point and there’s no part of me that feels like I should buy her $25 mascara when she starts wearing makeup. But, I also don’t think we should feel like the only “fair” situation is to pay the same amount on her hair/cosmetics as we do Wes’s b/c I don’t think that’s reasonable.
But should it be?
We’ve come to a good compromise for this one situation because I am having such a hard time coming up with a good reason that isn’t, “But she’s a girl! That’s different!” Because – you know – what if Wes decided he was going to show some of his fem side and wanted to wear makeup, we’d have to buy his if we buy hers, right? So how do we keep it fair and not just fall back on, “Being a girl is more expensive!” because that’s not really fair, is it?
Where we’ve kinda settle for now (and several people on twitter chimed in to say this is kinda how they do it or how it was for them) is we will pay for more than we would with Wesley…within reason. Like, when she starts wearing makeup, we don’t want her necessary buy cheap stuff because she has to buy it herself, so – at least in the beginning – we’ll help out with the basics. We’ll help out with skincare. We’ll help pay for salon cuts if she needs a salon, but she has to help too. But bonus stuff, trendy makeup or hair accessories or colors or style? That will all be 100% on her.
The funny thing is that, over the past year? Donnie has probably spent more on haircuts than I have. Mainly because I’ve been growing my hair back out, so it’s not been trimmed in probably a year. Whereas Donnie has gone to one of those upscale barber shops once using a gift card I gave him, and once on his own dollar. So I’ve had zero haircuts, he’s paid for 1. Also – I don’t use any shampoo and I use Suave conditioner and some other basic brand of hair gel. (Treseme? Maybe?) I probably spend $20 max on hair/makeup/skincare/nails a month. MAX. Probably actually $10-$15, I’m just rounding up. So, Donnie definitely has a distorted sense of what the “average” woman spends.
SO! Here’s my questions for you:
- How do you make it “fair” with growing boys and girls with how much you spend on hair/makeup/skin care for a girl?
- If you’re a girl – how did your parents handle it? Or if you had a sister? My Dad bought me the very VERY basics but I didn’t really understand it so I doubt that was a lot of money. I think I mostly just got my Mom’s makeup that she bought and decided she didn’t like.
- As an adult woman – how much do you spend monthly hair/nails/skin/makeup? This includes pedicures, hair cuts, moisturizer…everything. Everything that a male your age might NOT spend money on? Because I’m also trying to give my husband a better idea of what “average” is.
- Finally: Haircuts/colors etc, are those line items in your budget? Because they aren’t in ours since it’s not consistent. I never go, Wes often can get his cut by Donnie when he’s getting buzz cuts, and Nikki obviously usually only gets trims. So it’s just periodic costs so it can go in the $50/month “miscellaneous” category. BUT – obviously if anyone got their hair cut at a salon professionally every six weeks, we’d probably need a line item for it.