I’m not usually a whiner. I have my moments – for sure. But as a general personality trait, it’s not me.
But lately? It’s all I do.
Every time someone asks me how I’m doing I mention that I hate not being able to run or do boot camp and that I’m hoping I’ll be cleared at my next doctor’s appointment. I say that I’m a beeyatch without my stress-reliever of running. I complain about missing my boot camp and running buddies. I do all of these things at least 100 times a day.
But here’s the thing. It sounds like I’m saying: I hate my high-risk pregnancy because it’s keeping me from exercising. But do you know what I’m really saying? I’m really saying: I’m terrified that if I don’t vocalize how much I miss exercise at every chance I get, that I’ll one day stop missing it. And starting back will be that much harder.
See…I’m not naturally that girl. I was not born athletic or with a desire to exercise. It took me 30+ years to find that. 2 years ago I discovered boot camp, a little over a year ago I fell in love with running. And this was after decades of attempts at becoming healthy and fit. I finally found that groove and those people who made me love exercise and I’m terrified that I’ll lose that feeling if I don’t constantly remind myself how much I love it by whining about missing it.
I want to be able to do it again as SOON AS I CAN. If it’s in a week when the doctor clears me for low-weight, low-impact strength training again? Then, great! If it’s in April after I have a baby? Fantastic. Either way I want to be able to jump right in and go the first day I’m allowed.
But think about it – how many people have medical excuses NOT to exercise in this moment? Yet – how many people don’t do it? For the majority of non-fit people in the world, it’s a mental challenge to get out the door, not a medical one. And I’m TERRIFIED that the longer I’m away from my routine, the grander that mental challenge becomes. So that the second the medical block is cleared, the mental block will take over and I’ll lose all that hard work.
So…please forgive me. When I whine about not being able to run or do boot camp, it has nothing to do with my dissatisfaction with this pregnancy. Of course I’m overjoyed to be pregnant and I want this baby to keep fighting and hang in there so that it can become another crazy piece of our fun family. No, please see my whining for what it is. Someone who just finally became the healthy and fit person she’s wanted to be for a very long time and who is afraid of losing that desire if she doesn’t talk about missing it at least 80 times a day.
And before you know it you’ll go back to being annoyed with me for talking about running and boot camp all the time instead of whining about missing it!