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I Survived! And Only Thought You All Hated Me Once!

Oh man, guys. So – I wrote this entry yesterday about body positivity…wondering if it was okay to still want to lose weight in this new era of Love Your Body. It was a weird entry, kinda rambling, I mainly was really hoping for a dialog. I’m still trying to lose this 17lbs I gained and I was wondering if I’m still falling victim to societies unrealistic standards or if – you know – I just like my thinner body. I was wondering if it could be like dyeing your hair red or wearing makeup…things you do because you like the way you look better that way. I really hoped for awesome dialog like you all are always up for and holy crap. NO ONE MADE A COMMENT. And I spent all day yesterday thinking I’d lost my touch in fostering insightful conversations and that maybe you all hated me.

Then I sat down to write today’s lighthearted entry about surviving this week MUCH better than last week and BAM! I see that post still sitting there in the compose screen.

AS A DRAFT.

I never published it. DAMMIT. No wonder you all weren’t conversing with me! There was nothing to talk about!

I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking maybe it was whiney and kinda “First World Problems”-y and REALLY? ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT 17 POUNDS? By the time yesterday was over I had regretted writing it so now it seems silly to publish it.

But I still want the conversation!

So, can we just meet for lunch one day next week? All of us? Sound good? We’ll just talk about body positivity over some vegan chili, okay?

ANYWAY! Let’s move on!

IMG_6900I survived this week much better than last week. I didn’t have to squeeze in any grocery trips during 14 minute breaks between work and soccer. We didn’t have to eat out. I didn’t curl up in the fetal position and cry. We made it to soccer three nights (counting tonight) and even went to my nephew’s t-ball game! It was a good week!

I did several grocery trips last weekend to (hopefully) get me through this week and it worked! I also braved my first “errand” run on my lunch break this week. I don’t like leaving my office at lunch because it’s in a high traffic area and you all know how I feel about traffic and driving. But I ran to the Target down the road and back and it wasn’t too bad at 11am, so I feel better knowing if there’s an emergency errand I need to make, I can still pull that off. Also good for non-perishable necessities in the week. I still did my Wednesday Night trip to Publix to check out the new week’s BOGOs, but I consider that a type of therapy so I don’t mind that one.

I had enough food to feed us every night, pack lunches every day, AND I managed not to forget Kite Day! Which was canceled.

IMG_6897I cooked one meal not at a meal time (Spaghetti on Monday Morning) and that was great because I heated that up when I let the dog out Wednesday after work but before soccer and the kids ate it on the way to soccer. That was my best move of the week. I usually make them sandwiches and then they get something light afterwards, but I don’t like that because then they get no hot meals that day. My kids are not great eaters, I hate when they get NOTHING cooked during the day. My Dad used to make us get hot lunch at school because he never cooked and thought we needed at least one guaranteed “real” meal a day. I kinda feel the same way, like I’ve failed my kids if they didn’t eat at least one meal that required heat in preparation.

So! Spaghetti To Go worked GREAT. I felt much better about the evening and the kids thought it was hysterical. I heated it up in the glass storage containers which stay hotter, and wrapped it in a towel and put it in an insulated lunch box. They both started the meal on the way TO soccer in the car, but Wes didn’t finish so he finished his after soccer on the way to his cousin’s t-ball game. It stayed warm enough for his standards, so success! I packed parmesan cheese and everything. I was really proud of that move and I think I’ll do that every week. Cook a batch of spaghetti just for heating up on nights we have soccer.

I definitely feel better about this week than last week.

One CRAZY note. I’m having a kinda-last minute yard sale tomorrow. We had it on the calendar for awhile, but then it was supposed to rain all day so I thought I’d wait. But now it looks like it will just be overcast so I think I’ll be up all night pricing items and making signs because we may not have another chance and I need to get rid of a bunch of stuff. This may be a little insane, to prepare for a yard sale in one day, but when have I ever done anything the easy way?

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Old Dog. New Tricks.

My buggy is NEVER that full!

My buggy is NEVER that full!

It took me three trips this weekend, but I think I got enough groceries to make it through the week without needing to do anything more than my usual Wednesday Night Publix trip when I check out their new weekly BOGOs. I think I resigned myself to getting it all done “in one weekend” and not “in one trip” because I’m just never going to be that awesome.

Unfortunately I didn’t find time to cook some meals to store as single-serving dinners this week. So? Spaghetti for breakfast!

Seriously. I’m going to try to cook the Spaghetti this morning after I finish this blog post. That was something that occurred to me somewhere in the middle of the night. I woke up stressing about all the stuff I have to do this week and hating I didn’t get time to cook some food to use as single-serving leftovers and it hit me: Do it in the morning! Before work!

The combination of putting my house on the market (meaning it has to stay a lot cleaner than it used to) and working a job with a commute (meaning no time at home) has really shaken up my view of what I should do, at what time, during my day. I used to set aside my time in the mornings before waking the kids as “me” time. I did basic housework – started laundry and put up dishes, but mostly it was blog time. Last night’s TV time. Running time (in the summer when it’s daylight during those hours). It took me about a week to get used to thinking about “chores” as things I could do in the mornings. Like – the BIG chores – moping floors, cleaning toilets, vacuuming. The kind of thing I used to just do on the weekends and even then, usually only on the weekends we were hosting Family Dinner. But once we put the house on the market, a lot of that stuff needed to be done DEFINITELY once a week, but sometimes twice a week, so I started giving myself time before work to do one MAJOR chore.

IMG_6873It occurring to me in the middle of the night that I could also cook dinner in the mornings was QUITE a revelation. I can’t squeeze in time where it doesn’t exist in the afternoons, and I’m useless after about 8pm, so why not just do it in the mornings?!

It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

Another thing I’ve touched on a little bit is re-training myself to not do everything “later”. I’m the kind of person that, if a light bulb goes out in a fixture with mutliple bulbs? I don’t change it until they’ve ALL gone out. Or when the plates above my cabinets fall (they’re cheap plastic plates held up with those sticky velcro strips) it will be sitting on my counter for MONTHS. I just tend to not take care of things that aren’t “urgent” until…well…I guess until it becomes urgent. And in our case now, that would be the phone call “SOMEONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR HOUSE!” But we can’t do all of the little things then, so I’m changing light bulbs when they go out and hanging plates back up as soon as they fall.

WHO AM I?

I’ve also had to give up a lot of luxury items in my life. Not luxury of money, but luxury of TIME. I’ve basically stopped with my post-long-run Epsom Salt baths because it just feels so wasteful now. How could I sit in a tub for 45 minutes doing NOTHING when my flowerbeds need to be weeded?

I’ll be honest, part of me loves all of this change. I feel very “put together” because my house is always close-to-perfect (perfect by MY standards, I’m still me, after all) and I’m clean because I’m showering for work every day so I feel less slovenly and more presentable and I get some time interacting with grown-ups more than I used to. All of these things are welcome changes and while it’s taken a lot of shifting, but I don’t necessarily hate it. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it. It’s nice to run into someone out in public and not be embarrassed I’m still in my Pajamas. Or if a family member stops by my house, it’s nice to know it’s presentable. So, the changes? I don’t hate them.

But I’m tired. And I do look forward to the day when we sell this house and move into a smaller one and I can go back to taking Epsom Baths after a long run and vegging out with a book in the middle of a Saturday. Because this old dog can still learn new tricks…and she won’t necessarily hate them…but she doesn’t have to like them.

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The Dreaded Once A Week Shopping Trip

I’ve enjoyed that – for the past several years – I have been able to hit the grocery store every day if needed. This has allowed me to really shop sales and to plan meals based on that day’s schedule combined with my mood. I always feel one of the perks of being The Cook in the family is getting to cook what YOU want. I know some people say you spend more with the daily shopping, but not me. I hate doing BIG grocery trips because it’s a pain in the ass to carry in and I just don’t always know our schedule during the week so meal planning is difficult. I may have 5 minutes to cook dinner at 5:15 or I may have no time to cook but we’ll be home at 7pm starving to death. Of course, when I worked from home I had plenty of time during the day for prep or monitoring of things in the crockpot, so that added a flexibility I don’t have now. But if I was in the mood for Mexican that day? I’d run the 1 mile down to the store and get stuff for Mexican. Even when I worked in an office it was only 10 minutes from my house which still gave me time to head home, stop by Publix on the way, unload groceries, and get back to work before my lunch hour was up.

Now I work 40’ish minutes from home and 4 out of 5 nights this week I only have enough time after work and before soccer to let the dog out. I’ve tried some end-of-the-day grocery store trips, but I hate that because I want to be DONE with my day by 7:30pm, not still needing to go grocery shopping. I still have housework to do when I get home so not getting home from my day of work/soccer until 7:30 stresses me out. Of course, some days I’ve realized we needed things by a certain time so I’ve had to run into Publix on the way home and grab that ONE THING because I don’t have time to grab anything else. Yesterday? I had to go to Publix TWICE. Once for the emergency Kitty Litter (I’m not used to paying attention to things I’m running out of because I go to the store every day) and once DURING soccer for real groceries. And that’s a pain because I had to go to the Publix by the soccer fields which I hate, and I had to do it during soccer practice which I also hate because I can’t monitor how it’s going.

So, I’ve decided that on Saturday, I’m going to try the Full Week Shopping Trip.

ACK.

This means trying to map out the full-week’s schedule and predict what’s going on when so I can plan a meal that takes the right amount of time to cook. This means really paying attention to how much of things we go through so that we don’t run out of Kitty Litter on a day I don’t have time to stop until 8pm. This means I have to plan for lunches and pre-soccer snacks and maybe some crockpot meals if my crockpot doesn’t go insane and cook on High all day instead of Low. I think I’ll still plan a “End Of The Day, Late Night” grocery trip to Publix every Wednesday so I can see the new week’s sales and have a mid-week day to pick up stuff I might run out of. So, in reality I’ll do one “BIG” trip on Saturdays and one “Refill” trip on Wednesdays and hopefully I’ll get a handle of shopping sales at Target an Publix on those days that way.

UG. Just thinking about all of that grocery shopping in ONE trip makes me insane. I hate having so many bags that I can’t carry them in on one trip. It’s part of having 13 stairs to your front door. It makes you hate big grocery trips.

So! Do you shop 1.5 times per week? What’s your secret? I’m sure I won’t get it perfect the first week, but my hope is that I only have to hit the store these two times every week. Do I need to write down everything we’re going to eat and attack the list that way? Do I need to hire a strapping young man to help me lug in all the groceries? How much cereal to my kids actually eat one week at a time? How much beer do I need for a whole week?

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The Grindstone

So! I have a new job! As long as there’s work, I can get 40 hours a week, but it’s doing web/digital/photography etc for a real estate company and there’s a “slow season” in the fall so my chances for getting 40 hours are not guaranteed. But right now it’s the busy season and I’m as busy as I want to be.

I worked chunks of days last week, but yesterday was my first day trying to get in a full 8 hour day. At an office. With a cross-town commute. I’m officially part of the rat race, I think. I’ve not worked this far from home since 2006. Since then I’ve either worked from home, not worked, or worked close enough that I could come home at lunch most days. This now means my poor dog, Sweetie, is home alone from when Donnie leaves at 7:30am until I get home (hopefully 4:30pm) – and yesterday did not go well. She was in such a frenzy that when we tried to leave again for dinner she bolted out the door. In the rain. She NEVER does that. Nikki freaked out and ran after her in the rain, which only made her keep running. After we all stood getting soaked for 10 minutes we got in the van and played Kidnapper looking for her. We found her on the major road by our house but she wouldn’t come until we were back in the neighborhood and opened the van door for her to hop in.

It was basically the worst way to end my first full day back in the commuting workforce.

But other than the long day away from my high anxiety dog, and the driving, I think it could be the perfect fit.

Except that I have to shower. And can’t wear my pajamas.

Even 2 years ago when I was working in an office, I had my own hidey-hole and never saw anyone or dealt with the public. So – if I wanted to show up slovenly – it was okay. I never (rarely?) did, but the option was there. And it was also a bunch of tech guys so, even when I did show up slovenly, they probably didn’t notice. This office is full of beautiful people who shower and dress nice and would DEFINITELY notice if I showed up in my flannel PJs and my fuzzy houseslippers.

So I’m showering now! And getting dressed! It’s a whole new me!

IMG_6772Unfortunately it’s also Dogwood Blooming Season and that’s the tree I’m allergic to (or one that blooms at the exact same time) so we’re officially starting the several weeks where my eyes swell up and I sneeze constantly. This is bad because this new office has a very open work space with concrete floors and it’s often very quiet until I sneeze…LOUDLY. I’m going to have to try that “close your nose and be cute” technique or they may kick me to the curb for the next 4 weeks.

It’s definitely a big change. It’s fun so far, and I’m learning tons about the real estate industry. It’s a whole new set of language and talking points and business models. How weird is it that as soon as my house is put on the market, I get a job at a real estate office? And the two companies aren’t the same so it’s REALLY weird. I’m definitely getting extra insight into the market as an employee than as a home seller, which just adds more fuel to the “Let’s never move again!” fire that’s already been burning in my soul.

But mostly? I’m exhausted. Before, every time I got up to go to the bathroom, or make a snack, or let the dog out, I did one chore around the house. Maybe I loaded laundry, or dusted that shelf. I probably squeezed in an hour of housework spread out in an 8 hour work day. But now, that hour (because it still needs to be done) is just waiting for me when I get home. On top of the other hour I usually do before work in the morning. Keeping a 4,000+ square foot house show ready is time consuming, and now I’m away from home from 6:30am until 4:30pm everyday. So, if you add in 2 hours of housework onto that – you’re talking 6:30am to 6:30pm of office and housework. Then there’s soccer and packing lunches and cooking dinner and – HOPEFULLY – a run/bike/swim here or there periodically.

So, yeah – this new schedule is going to suck the entire time the house is on the market. It will suck for the dog, suck for the kids who now go to afterschool care, and suck for me who just has to get used to a 6+ hour sleep schedule to make it all fit into the day.

But just until the house sells. Then we can move (maybe a tiny bit closer, although not too close because we like the part of town we live in) and have a smaller house that takes less to keep up and I won’t even have to keep it as clean as we do now. Everyone say a small prayer, perform a pagan ritual, light a candle, chant a matra asking the universe to PLEASE help us sell our house soon. If not, it may be me you seen running down the road in the rain at the end of a long day, avoiding the van trying to take me to a padded room somewhere.

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Good Thing I’m Selling My House, And Not My Inbox

So, last week was weird. I still had work for my job that needed to be done because I don’t drop to “on call” until April 1st, but the kids were also home for Spring Break and I was trying to keep my house constantly “show ready”. What that meant was that, If I was home and not working or cooking or sleeping, I was cleaning.

And that’s a WHOLE NEW WORLD for me.

Normally, if I’m home and not working, cooking, or sleeping – I’m playing. There aren’t many hours a day when I’m home and “free” so I use those hours to catch up with emails or Facebook messages (which I often miss because Wes plays with my phone and will accidentally open them up when the notification pops up and then FB thinks I’ve read them) or tweets or wall posts or blog comments. Basically, I would sit down a few times a day and just RESPOND to people however they were communicating with me. I don’t think I realized I did that, until I no longer did.

I kept putting it off, “Well – you can get to that FB message or that email AFTER you put up the laundry (that I used to leave in the laundry room).” But then after I put up the laundry I noticed there was a puzzle left out. And that lightbulb was burnt out and OH MY GOD, where did those finger prints come from?

And suddenly – that 30 minutes between soccer practice and bed time is gone and I’ve STILL not responded to that FB message.

(If I even saw it.)

Wesley made Donnie coffee and me a giant mess to clean up. #totesadorbs

Wesley made Donnie coffee and me a giant mess to clean up. #totesadorbs

So…things got pushed to this weekend. I thought a lot on my race on Saturday about how I was going to take the time when I got home and RESPOND to all of the communications I had gotten during the last week. And y’all? I have no idea what happened to my time. By the time I was home and cleaned up it was 1:30. I needed to pick up some groceries and there was a lot of “upkeep” type stuff for the day since everyone had been home all day. It turns out that even when my kids are doing better than I had hoped in keeping things clean, they’re still kids who make messes. Nikki helped a bit, but it just seemed like BAM! It was time for us to leave for dinner. And the same thing happened on Sunday – I ran, picked up groceries, cleaned some floors, did some laundry and BAM! It was time for family dinner.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE MY TIME IS GOING.

Or maybe, I had no idea how much time I had before? I mean – I’ve never been the best at getting back to people who have contacted me in one way or another. Emails get accidentally archived before I reply, Facebook messages get forgotten (if I ever see them), and blog comments get pushed back after new entries and I just forgot about a lot of it. And that was BEFORE. Now? The stuff I remember or keep where I can see it? Still goes ignored simply because I HAVE TO SWEEP MY FLOOR EVERY DAY AND THAT SUCKS SO HARD.

Long story short: I’ve learned one major, two part lesson. I had a lot more free time to respond to people daily on line when I (evidently) never cleaned anything.

BUT THIS WEEK I HAVE NO JOB! YAY! FREE TIME! (#SilverLining) So, I’m hoping that by the end of this week I’ll have my ducks more in a row than they are now. I’m sure I’ll never be perfect but I’d like to not wake up in the morning remembering that message from two weeks ago that I never replied to.