It’s hard to open this blog up every morning to write, and yet not write about what’s bogging down my soul. I know this smells of subtweeting and I hate to be like that, but I just need to make sure I express why I haven’t been as consistent about blogging like I have been for the past 13 years. I open up the “compose” screen and I want to dump out all of the frustrating crap in my head but I can’t because it’s not all my crap to unload and so now I’m faced with the dilemma: How do I process the crap without writing about it?
I always say that writing here every morning is cathartic. It helps me calm the storms raging in my head every day. I have these thoughts and dilemmas and experiences that pile up in my brain and I can’t seem to always process them without putting it here. Putting words to my experiences and my thoughts helps me move past them, and now? I’m just stuck in this weird rut where I’m running in circles in my head, unable to process struggles without my friends in the computer weighing in on it all.
I guess this is the point where I say, “Hello. My name is Zoot and I am addicted to blogging.”
I thought about creating a private Facebook group as some of you suggested, but then that would have me breaking one of my rules of the internet: Don’t trust privacy settings. I would hate it if my need to vent or to gather advice ended up hurting someone I love. It’s just not worth it. I mean, it feels like it would be worth it just to clear my head, but it would most definitely NOT be worth it.
And while I do have a therapist, this is not the kind of thing I talk to her about. Also? She costs money.
It doesn’t help that I haven’t been running as much lately. Not that my running friends need to hear any more about my babbling about my life, but still. The conversations with them on the trails does usually help clear out cobwebs in my brain. I was planning on seeking counsel on my run on Saturday but we had a new person and she did NOT sign up for my special brand of crazy.
I have just come to depend on this space so much that I’m not sure what to do without it. But I want to write every day, it’s just hard to determine what to write about when my brain is overwhelmed with other stuff.
Back in the olden days of blogging I would have done a “Ask Me Anything!” post – but that’s when people still commented on blogs and no one (including myself) does that anymore as we often read from our phones and THAT IS JUST A BIG PAIN IN THE BUTT.
And I feel like I’ve told you all of my stories anyway. I don’t think I have any more secrets here.
Instead? I’ll leave you with this photo which I found while backing up some pics over the weekend. I haven’t seen it since I took it in December 2005. That family, man. They have no idea what’s in store for them. I kinda laugh at their innocence.