So! Yesterday was normal, regular day of work and kids and life and blah blah blah. I had a headache that complicated things a bit (it messed with my vision, that’s bad, right?) but nothing that REALLY stopped the flow of my day too much.
Then, 2:30 rolled around. I picked up the kids from school and did our normal routine. We came home and it was homework time! Wes always sits at my desk and we work together. I do stuff for my job WHILE helping him with his homework. We do a little of both. And then he wanted to watch TV and got a little irritated that I was not letting him do that. That’s where the tension started with him, and looking back I think, “I need to spot those moments AT THE TIME…” but of course I didn’t. Not at the time. It was just a general tense moment between us that sometimes stops right there and other times – like last night – it’s the beginning of an avalanche.
So, then since I wouldn’t let him watch TV, he started messing with me while I worked. Wanting to mess with the keyboard etc. (And yes, I know NOW that it was a plea for attention, but in the moment I was trying to get work done and my kids MUST understand the limits of my maternal habits when I’m working.) So I told him to go to his room because he kept typing on my keyboard while I was typing. (He does NOT know PHP, for the record.)
He refused to go to his room. Of course. He started yelling at me and pushed my chair and it just went downhill from there in a MAJOR way. There were SEVERAL “I hate you!”s and slammed doors and kicked walls. I ended up yelling (which I usually put off as a LAST resort) which made him even ANGRIER and then he told me I was the MEANEST EVER. The next 30 minutes was basically him yelling at me and telling me he hates me and me just quietly taking away toys every time.
It was a mess. And several moments I looked at later I know I could have/should have done differently. But it’s SO HARD in the moment.
So I left him in his room until Donnie got home. And then I left. I got my hair trimmed. I bought fake Birkenstocks. I ate French Fries and donuts. The usual.
But basically from 3pm to 5pm we had COMPLETE and TOTAL meltdown as Mother and Son. We went from normal to DEFCON 1 in 2 hours.
I got home in time to put him to bed. We snuggled for awhile in bed and talked/apologized. I had said things I regret. He had said things he regretted. There were a lot of, “I’m sorry!”s. (For the record – mainly he regretted getting his toys away. You know. Because he’s still 6.) But we snuggled. We made deals. We hugged. We took cute selfies. We read books.
I have made contact with a child therapist group. I’m working out the details of cost/insurance/in-network doctors and all of that, but I do recognize a lot of the new behavior is out of my realm of knowledge and skill. Partly because I’m not the BEST Mom for this type of personality (I’m good with other personalities! But angry meanness I’m not good with.) and partly because this is an extreme type of that personality that I don’t think ANYONE is an expert in.
The funny/not-funny thing is I honestly thought Nikki would be the one I’d take to a therapist first because she has SUCH anxiety issues.
Actually…now that I think about it…back in middle school with E I did try to push a therapist on him. Mainly because Middle School was hard on me, when I first started thinking about suicide, so I was UBER paranoid when E was that age and wanted to push therapy on him even if he didn’t need/want it. So, I guess I kinda thought he needed it first, not because of behavior but because of age. But with my younger two, I thought Nikki would get it first. But Wes’s new behavior traits have escalated SO QUICKLY that suddenly he is the top candidate. HE WON THE PRIZE for FIRST NECESSARY THERAPIST! WOOT!
But I thought I’d document this process because I had NO idea what to do. I’m still not understanding the exact coverage options, but it seems my insurance has child therapists in our “network” and the group I contacted said that the ones I listed were not the right specialists but there was a different one that the THOUGHT was in the network of my insurance. So that’s where we are now. Trying to find the right doctor covered by the right insurance.
I’ll keep you guys posted because this whole thing is so new and so foreign that I kinda wish I had read someone else’s experience with it just to give me some clue as to what/how this all happens. So I’m telling myself this journey might help someone else.
He used to spit/hit when he was 4…but I felt like that was still in that “age” where other kids do that too. But we’re doing it again and we’re 6 now and I feel like we’re more in the territory where it’s not as “normal” as it was before. So, I thought it might be time to bring in the professionals. I also read this GREAT article that compared it to a child’s bad eating habits. They said something like – It’s hard to call your child out or bring up their bad behaviors but if you don’t do it as a child, they’ll carry that with them into adulthood when it will be MUCH harder to correct. So, I’m looking at his horrible anger issues as an addiction to Twinkies and I’m calling in medical professionals now to help him deal with that so that he’s prepared into adulthood.