Announcement: I Need A Boob-Sweat Induced Do-Over

I kinda accidentally went several days in a row without showering a few weeks ago. I find that’s easier to do when you don’t exercise daily. You see, we’re living in this apartment and the water heater is smaller than we’re used to so we can’t all four get hot water in the mornings. I try to bathe at night but some nights I just don’t get around to it and, well, the next I know I’m sitting there on a Friday thinking, Um…was the last time I bathed…MONDAY? I’ll be honest, I have an inherent irritation with beauty and cosmetics and clothing so part of me was like: HELL YEAH! STICK IT TO THE MAN!

But then the other part of me thought, Yeah…that makes sense…I thought my boobs smelled bad.

My point? I’ve been frazzled.

There’s a scale of 1-10 when I measure my level of “Frazzled” in my life. 1 is “almost forgot to grab my headphones on the way out the door” and 10 is “Accidentally ignored my funky smelling boobs.”

It’s maximum frazzled territory here, people.

This has been the case since November, really. Once the election was over I started dedicating more time to keeping up with current events (I didn’t stress out so much with a Democrat in office) and to trying to manage some level of resistance. And then in December we got a contract on our house and while we’ve moved, the house still hasn’t sold. That doesn’t affect my schedule (apartment living is actually much easier) but it does affect my level of “calm” because I can’t check that box off until the house sells.

But, as we’re settled into some sort of “New Presidency” routine and “Tiny Apartment Living” cycle, I’m trying to re-grasp the threads in my life again. It was chaos during moving and resisting and OH MY GOD I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR ANYTHING ANYMORE. And now I’m trying to settle into my new routine and figure out, “Okay. What ball did I drop where?”

And y’all? I dropped a lot of balls. Not just the “BATHE” ball but a shit ton of other ones and those are just the ones I’m remembering! I’m certain there are many I’ve forgotten.

So I’m trying to sort things out and I kinda just want a do-over. Can I just make a public announcement that says something like:

ATTENTION: It turns out I’ve neglected a lot of shit over the last 6 months. Not the least of which was my own hygiene. My stanky boobs finally woke me up and I’d like a Do-Over please. Instead of trying to remember all of the things I’ve forgotten, I’d like to start over from this moment. Also? I’m going to have to contact some of you guys and tell you I can’t actually do the thing I told you I’d do because – well – I forgot to shower and no one wants my stinky boobs helping them with anything. And I might not contact you and tell you because I probably forgot I told you I’d do that thing anyway. It turns out as my boob sweat increases, my memory decreases. It’s an inverse relationship and my stank got real bad, y’all. Please forgive me all I have forgotten, and allow me a chance to start over and try to sort out what I really need to be doing with my time so that I don’t forget to shower again.

Like, ever. That can’t ever happen again. NEVER.

Love, Zoot.