I ran a really fun race this weekend with some really fun ladies and for that 5 hours I just was loving life and nature and my friends and my body and everything else in the world.
But then the other 43 hours of Saturday and Sunday I could not shake my fog of disappointment in humanity. I like to call myself a Secular Humanist because I have no religious foundation in my life, but I have strong convictions about humanity and the potential for good that lies within us as a species.
But lately? Lately that’s been a hard faith to hold onto and I find myself – like Thomas – doubting that thing I have put my faith in. First we have the wave of the suicide bombings in Brussels and Lahore and every place between those two events. I like to have hope that violent extremism could not grow in communities where we took the time to care for our neighbors, so I have this utopian view of the world we could build some day but that view is faltering and I find myself struggling.
Then there’s the crazy anti-anti-discrimination law that just pass in North Carolina. It’s frustrating for so many reasons but it also has had me “accidentally” stumble upon comment threads where people have such twisted views and I’m torn between wanting to explain things to each and everyone of them. Or at the very least send them this resource on terminology. But then I see how widespread the ignorance is and I find myself surprised a law like this has passed in other states.
And this hatred in the US towards refugees is just causing me to pull my hair out. We have such a complicated vetting process that there are at LEAST 19 million ways for terrorists who mean us harm to get in our country that are 19 million times easier than coming in as a refugee. If someone wants to do us harm, they’re not going to try to get in as a refugee because A) It takes forever and B) There is a boat-load of scrutiny in the process. There are travel and student visas that are 100% faster and require one fraction of the examination.
And then there’s our house. I rushed home after a killer 25K this weekend to get my house ready to show and put the cats in the garage and took down the gates and picked up a few things and then they never came by. The agent waited for them and they never showed up because they forgot and it had me wondering, “Does this person treat the seller of a house so casually like getting the house ready to show is just NO BIG DEAL?” Why would someone do that? I almost started crying when I got the message in the middle of an egg hunt. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?
So I’m struggling to have faith in humanity today. I wish I could just go back to my sheltered world of trail running with my friends for a little while. But I can’t. And I feel this compulsive need to constantly speak out against the ignorance in the hope of changing a few minds. So I post the random Facebook posts reminding people of some of these fact. And I write the blog entries putting links out into the universe so other people can spread the wealth of information around. And I say a silent prayer to All Gods Listening to PLEASE, give us a humans a chance to be better before wiping us out with a meteor.