zoot

I'm addicted to superhero movies, donuts, craft beer, playing in the woods, and reading YA fiction. I'm a writer by day and a dreamer by night.

Bug Whisperer

Donnie and I disagree about many things. Nothing too major, thank goodness, but things that do cause a rift periodically. Like Donnie does not kill black widows that have nests somewhere on our property. DID YOU HEAR ME INTERNET? DONNIE DOES NOT HAVE A BLANKET “KILL ALL BLACK WIDOWS” POLICY!

Evidently Black Widows are, “not actually aggressive at all and tend to stay near their nests and they like dark spots for their nests so they’re not going to roam our house and they’re threads are really strong! They’re amazing!”

YES. THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND WE ARE STILL MARRIED.

Anyway…this mindset of his creates a type of “no kill” policy for bugs in the house. He doesn’t mind stomping wood roaches that come in from our wooded back yard or wasps in the summer. But that’s about it. If he finds a spider in our house he gently scoops it up and takes it outside. Whereas I have a policy: IF IT IS IN MY HOUSE IT DIES.

However, I have compromised and once I left a black widow alone that was on our property. It was about 30-feet from our house, but still, I was very proud of myself for not calling in the fire department to kill it.

But if it is in my house? I KILL IT WITH THE RAGE THAT BURNS OF 1,000 FIRERY SUNS.

UNTIL YESTERDAY! Yesterday the kids and I were catching up on TV togethers during my short stint home and we were curled up on the couch and then something large flew around the window and we all jumped up and screamed bloody murder. I MEAN I SCREAMED LIKE A MANIAC. I thought it was a wasp so I grabbed a shoe because I am good at killing wasps. But then we saw it and it was NOT a wasp. It was a large flying leaf of some sort.

The kids wanted me to kill it at first because it was huge and looked scary. BUT! I thought it was kinda pretty and it didn’t fly fast and it seemed to have a little dust stuck on his feet so I think that was weighing him down. (Sorry, bro. This house is dusty as shit as the last thing I want to do on my days home is clean.) So I bravely scooped him onto a piece of paper and into a tupperware container AND I TOOK HIM OUTSIDE LIKE A GODD*AMN HERO.

I was so proud of myself. I DID NOT KILL THE BUG IN MY HOUSE! Everyone celebrate!

2 comments on “Bug Whisperer

  1. Haha! Great post! I was deathly afraid of spiders my entire life. When I had my daughter I thought, “I do NOT want to transfer this ridiculous fear to her…” so I made myself get over it. If there was a spider in the house I’d say, “OH! Look at the little Spider Friend!” and scoop it up and we’d put it out in the garden together. I got ALL the “Miss Spider” books and read them to her all the time.

    Now, I am no longer afraid of spiders. She, on the other hand…at 22, mind you…calls me in a panic if she finds a spider in her apartment. Sigh…. Lol!

    Here’s the deal now, though…like you…if it comes into the house, it dies. Sorry. Should have stayed outside. If I don’t get it, my cat does. Ha.

  2. When I was in NY,staying in my brothers 200 year old farmhouse, the place was invaded with both box elder bugs and wasps. It had been warm and the bugs came out, thinking it was Spring. Haha- then it snowed and stayed in the 30’s and 40’s. The bugs went inside. The box elders were easy to swat. We put them in piles and swept them up. The wasps were the laziest dang things I have ever seen. The just kind of walked around and fluttered by the windows. They didn’t appear to have stingers. Then one got trapped by my foot- It zapped my pinky toe- Ouch. At which point my nephew , who we had convinced the wasps were harmless said Grandpa take me home right now.

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