Addicted To Blogging.

It’s hard to open this blog up every morning to write, and yet not write about what’s bogging down my soul. I know this smells of subtweeting and I hate to be like that, but I just need to make sure I express why I haven’t been as consistent about blogging like I have been for the past 13 years. I open up the “compose” screen and I want to dump out all of the frustrating crap in my head but I can’t because it’s not all my crap to unload and so now I’m faced with the dilemma: How do I process the crap without writing about it?

I always say that writing here every morning is cathartic. It helps me calm the storms raging in my head every day. I have these thoughts and dilemmas and experiences that pile up in my brain and I can’t seem to always process them without putting it here. Putting words to my experiences and my thoughts helps me move past them, and now? I’m just stuck in this weird rut where I’m running in circles in my head, unable to process struggles without my friends in the computer weighing in on it all.

I guess this is the point where I say, “Hello. My name is Zoot and I am addicted to blogging.”

“Hi, Zoot!”

I thought about creating a private Facebook group as some of you suggested, but then that would have me breaking one of my rules of the internet: Don’t trust privacy settings. I would hate it if my need to vent or to gather advice ended up hurting someone I love. It’s just not worth it. I mean, it feels like it would be worth it just to clear my head, but it would most definitely NOT be worth it.

And while I do have a therapist, this is not the kind of thing I talk to her about. Also? She costs money.

It doesn’t help that I haven’t been running as much lately. Not that my running friends need to hear any more about my babbling about my life, but still. The conversations with them on the trails does usually help clear out cobwebs in my brain. I was planning on seeking counsel on my run on Saturday but we had a new person and she did NOT sign up for my special brand of crazy.

I have just come to depend on this space so much that I’m not sure what to do without it. But I want to write every day, it’s just hard to determine what to write about when my brain is overwhelmed with other stuff.

Back in the olden days of blogging I would have done a “Ask Me Anything!” post – but that’s when people still commented on blogs and no one (including myself) does that anymore as we often read from our phones and THAT IS JUST A BIG PAIN IN THE BUTT.

And I feel like I’ve told you all of my stories anyway. I don’t think I have any more secrets here.

Instead? I’ll leave you with this photo which I found while backing up some pics over the weekend. I haven’t seen it since I took it in December 2005. That family, man. They have no idea what’s in store for them. I kinda laugh at their innocence.

7 Comments

  • Stephanie

    Do you ever use your bullet journal or another paper journal to just dump it all out to process? Or set up a Word document or something you won’t be afraid to accidentally publish (rather than a draft blog post)? Maybe just writing it out would help you even if no one ever sees it. I know it’s not the same having others be able to respond, but maybe just putting it on paper/screen would help you see things in a different light.

  • Colleen

    I’ve had some sucess with just writing to a file on my computer to just get things out of my head. It has helped me. And I’m in town most of the time over the holidays & am fine with short notice if you need a run! I’m happy to listen. My work schedule is finally quiet for a little while.

  • Nienuh

    I was about to suggest unpublished blog posts or word document. Or just e-mail some random stranger in a far far away country ;). But…. that… I hope you find time to run. Or vent otherwise. hugs!

  • Lucy McConville

    This may be a totally lame comment because maybe you’ve already tried it and it doesn’t work for you…but I write in an unpublished journal every single day. Even though I know there is no one “out there” reading it, it helps me SO MUCH to just get all that stuff rattling around in my head out onto “paper” where I can see it and try to make sense of it. There is a quote by some famous person (forgive me, can’t remember the name) that said, “I don’t know what I’m really thinking until I write it down.” That is me for sure, man. Anyway, if you haven’t tried journaling just for yourself, not to publish in the blog, maybe that will help right now! Sorry you’re you having a rough time.

  • Karen

    You totally hit on the reason I stopped updating my blog. “I open up the “compose” screen and I want to dump out all of the frustrating crap in my head but I can’t because it’s not all my crap to unload and so now I’m faced with the dilemma: How do I process the crap without writing about it?” I have no answers, just lots of empathy.

  • Lindsey

    First, I’m really loving the social justice and political content on your blog. It may be selfish since it mirrors my journey, but I want to encourage that.

    Second, here are some other topics you could blawg about:

    – Reading List (never bad to get a list of recommended books)
    – TV (we always enjoy your posts about what you’re watching)
    – YouTube – Any suggested videos or channels
    – Cultivating diverse news sources – I know you’ve talked about this in the past, but having an explicit list to look at would be good as well. Sites, Twitter, YouTube, etc.
    – Photography – you haven’t posted much about that recently, but I know you’re doing that for work, so maybe you have some ideas
    – Ideas for new runners – for those making New Year’s Resolutions

    Anyway, hope that helps (in a semi-selfish way)!