Two Stories Only Related By Their Effect On My Sanity

It’s Been Three Weeks Since I Had My Last Diet Coke. And These Are My Sins.

So…I’m still without Diet Coke! Almost three weeks, cold turkey! And man do I miss it. I’ve gone out to eat twice since I gave it up and that’s the worst. Fountain Diet Cokes are the best. But I’m recognizing my addictive personality and I’m not going to give in – even to the periodic reward – for a very long time. Right now the urge to buy a 20oz when I’m at Target or to hit the drive-thru on my way home from work is still too strong.

No one has to know.

As long as those voices are loud in my head? I’m not letting myself even one. Now – I’d love to be able to do that some day. Order a Diet Coke at a restaurant once in awhile…but I’m no where near there yet.

Because I love Diet Coke, I haven’t really found a replacement that I love with caffeine in it. This is a good thing because it means I’m just drinking the periodic tea (sidenote: First draft of this entry said “period tea” and I am so disgusted by that visual I had to make sure to share it with you. EW.) to keep the headaches away. Well…yesterday? I kinda forgot. Then I started getting a headache at about 7pm and I realized: I haven’t had caffeine since 7am! I drink half-caf coffee in the mornings and then sip on a tea on the way to work…AND THAT WAS IT. Can you believe? I’m going to try to do that intentionally today. I’d love to be able to have coffee/tea when I want it and not just when my addicted body demands it to keep the headaches away.

But, Man. I Could Have Used That Caffeine Boost Yesterday.

Wes and his leg cramps. ::sigh:: He’s had some bad nights lately. Yes, we try to get potassium in him. Yes, we’ve tried this remedy and that remedy. And I think they work most of the time. But then – some weeks – they don’t. Wednesday night was bad because I was stressed, knowing I had to get up even earlier Thursday than usual. (I had to leave my house at 4:30, I usually leave at 5:10.) So my tension was surely impairing his ability to get back to sleep, which was making me more tense and he kept wanting me to rub his leg (I was trying to just use the heating pad so I could sleep) so you know what I did? I yelled at him. I yelled at him for getting leg cramps which he can’t control.

#MotherOfTheYear

The next day I made sure to apologize and explain to him that I was just tired and stressed and I’m sorry I yelled at him. He looked at me with those big blue eyes and made me promise I wouldn’t ever do that again. It’s like he became the physical manifestation of Mommy Guilt. I felt like Ally McBeal.

He slept fine last night, though. Even after soccer practice. Some nights are just bad. I don’t think any remedy will keep growing pains away all the time…it didn’t for me. I just wish I had the patience my Dad had with me when I had them growing up. Of course, he lost his cool when I didn’t get an “A” in a subject…so I guess we all have our weak spots. His was academics. Mine is sleep. DON’T MESS WITH MAMA BEAR’S SLEEP. Or things will get ugly.