The Cough interferes with The Sleep and even with The Medicine I’m still feeling like I’ve been run over by The Bus.
Whenever I’m tired, the rest of my life feels like it falls apart. I don’t eat well and that make me feel sicker. (Two days of binging makes my tummy hurt!) Then I lose all patience with the kids and my family because I feel gluttonous and sick and then I just want to sit on my couch and moan instead of tackling chores. THEN I feel gluttonous, sick, and VERY BEHIND IN MY LIFE because I’m not doing anything to cross items off my To Do list.
And it all starts with being tired.
I tend to blow off my own sleep issues, as the typical issues – not being able to GET to sleep – are not ones I understand. When people say, “I couldn’t get to sleep until midnight!” I’ll mention how much that SUCKS and I’m so glad I don’t have those problems.
But the truth is? I do. It’s just my problems are on the other spectrum and very few normal people in the world deal with them. Normal people toss and turn at night and then sleep late. Me? I go to sleep within 30 minutes of crawling into bed, but then I wake up 4-5 hours later.
I can’t help but get up early. My mind seems to think 3:30am or so is “reasonable” and if anything wakes me up after 3:30am, I can’t get back to sleep. On the weekends, sometimes I can force myself to sleep until 5am, but that’s LATE for me. Most of the time? My brain is too ready to go to let me linger in bed.
It’s no less annoying than the nighttime insomnia, but since it’s opposite from what most people know, I tend to forget that it can be just as detrimental to my health.
“I get up early every morning!” just sounds like I’m being proactive and ambitious. It’s easy to fool myself into thinking it’s good for me.
But then, after several days of not sleeping well I just WANT to sleep later. But this morning? 3:15am. That’s all I got. I couldn’t go back to sleep. This is not ambition. This is insomnia.
It’s hard to explain to my husband because he just sees me going to bed at 9:30. It’s hard to explain that I coughed all night and then woke up at 3:15am so – you know – I’M VERY TIRED. Just like it’s hard for me to understand if he’s tired if he slept until 7am. THAT’S FOUR MORE HOURS THAN I GOT.
Sleep. It’s such a fickle mistress.
And it’s frustrating because my body is shifting more and more to the YESTERDAY hours than the TODAY hours. When I first started boot camp over a year ago, my mind was awake around 4:45. Then it seemed to push back to 4am. I was okay with 4am. Still early, but it gave me an hour of ME TIME before boot camp which I like.
But the last month? It seems my mind and body are considering 3am to be the more reasonable hour. If I wake up and it’s after 3am? I can’t get back to sleep. Which means I’m officially waking up THE NIGHT BEFORE. 3am is not MORNING by any standards. It’s EVENING.
BAH. I’m just frustrated and tired and sick of coughing and all of this makes me weepy and emotional and fragile and SO DAMN TIRED.
Thank you for letting me whine. I feel much better.