When MrZ and I met, we were both very much Type A Control Freaks. The main difference was that he’s also a perfectionist. I may have wanted it done my way, but my way seemed to always allow for me slacking than his way did. I like to say I was a Lazy Control Freak.
This made it so that over the next 10 years, his way won out more often than not. Because, let’s face it, if we’re both right, but he’s also perfect, then chance are his way is going to be the better option. This has lessened my need for control over the years which is better in many ways since MrZ – in general – has better taste than I do. And the things that he doesn’t care about? Don’t have to be perfect. This is good for me because the things he doesn’t care about? Are the things I do. So I can still do them lazily. Most of my domestic chores, cleaning especially, is done to my standards…NOT PERFECT. This suits both of us because he doesn’t really care about perfection in the Clean House area.
The time this balance does not work? Is when it’s a chore I have to do due to the SAHM convenience, but it’s something he cares about. In other words, he would like to be doing it but can’t because he works in an office. Like mowing the lawn. I do that since I’m at home and I know it kills him I don’t do it in the systematic even smooth way he likes. But you know? I’m doing it. It will need to be done again in a week so no one gets stressed out too much. But it does bother him.
Now we’re at a point where it causes us a big problem: MY PAINTING. MrZ does not have the time to paint the new house. The new house needs to be painted and we’d rather do it before we move in. We can’t afford to hire someone to paint the entire house. And it all has to be done in 11 days. This means I have to do it. And this is killing him. Every time I paint a room I leave behind drips and uneven lines and smudged trim. I try not to, but it’s hard not to when that natural propensity to perfection is not part of your psyche. This means MrZ spends the rest of his life seeing those errors and thinking about them. THEY EAT AT HIS SOUL. Trust me. I painted the bathroom in our old house a few weeks ago and he has reminded me no less than 75 million times that if I wouldn’t put so much paint on the roller it wouldn’t leave drips.
I didn’t care too bad, we’re leaving that house.
The new house, however, I’m trying so hard to be perfect. AND IT’S KILLING ME. First, there are drips already on the walls from the previous painters. Second, this is me and I just am not a perfect painter. I’m trying, I’m trying so hard, but I’m just not perfect. Luckily, we decided the compromise would be to hire someone for the common rooms MrZ would be in a lot and let me do the kids rooms. He can live with errors there since those rooms will get destroyed over the years anyway. But it’s making me crazy because everything he steps near the walls I’m painting I’m already screaming, “Don’t point out the mistakes or I’ll rip your eyeballs out!”
This is me cutting him off before he gets a chance to say: Looks good, Kim.
He’s trying to be nice, but we both know that he sees the errors and my point of all of this? I’ll be happy when we’re done. Then the mistakes are there and it’s his job to live with them. Right now I still have so much to do I’m still stressing about being perfect. In the end? I’m not the perfectionist so it’s impossible to be perfect. Somehow he can do it – I’ve seen his work. No drips. No smudges. Same tools as me. But, he knows he’s lucky I’m doing this so he tries not to say anything negative even though we both know he’s thinking it.
Please tell me someone out there is also married to a perfectionist that knows what I’m talking about? And then let me know if they’ll be will to come paint for me for a few days. Thanks.