Mondays Redefined By Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Mondays are not as painful to me when I’m on maternity leave as they were when I was working full time. I wake up as early (or earlier – thank you AndyZ for the 4:45 wakeup call. It was much appreciated.) but I get more time to lounge about and get moving. So, the weekend activities don’t haunt me as much.

However…they still suck donkey balls. And I wanted to make sure that I went on record saying that. I don’t know if it was the 3+ hours sleep Friday night or what, but this weekend wore me OUT. Of course, I might should blame Joss Whedon and not the adorable boy I gave birth to six weeks ago.

As it is – I turn on the TV when it’s feeding time for AndyZ throughout the night. No biggie there. I’ve been doing that for six weeks. Unfortunately, I’m staying up much longer than the length of a typical feeding session because the TV I’m watching is SO DAMN GOOD. This is all Joss Whedon’s fault as I’m currently addicted to Buffy (I’m watching season 3 on DVD) and Angel (I’m in the middle of Season 2 that I watch on TiVo) and can’t seem to turn off an episode until it’s OVER. So, my 30-minute wake-up nursing calls in the middle of the night turn into hour-long episodes.

See? Not my fault I’m tired. It’s all Joss Whedon’s fault. And possibly YOUR fault for telling me how I should give Buffy and Angel a chance. (I’m done with Firefly by the way. AWESOME.) I’m not sure which of you said it first, so I’m going to blame ALL OF YOU. And also? What do I do when I finish Season 3? I asked for Season 4+ for my birthday which is not for two weeks. What will I do for those two weeks? I WILL GO CRAZY. That is what I will do.

Joss Whedon – making life with an infant not yet sleeping through the night much more difficult than it should be.

I’m betting that’s a review he never expected.

Storytime — as told by NikkiZ

This is the story my daughter just told me over breakfast:

Once upon a time, there was a little boy. His name was Brother. He was sitting in a trip and he would SLAP his hand on the branches. And sometimes shoot bad guys. And hangout with the birds. Can I ride in the rocket car at Publix?

I think the last sentence was supposed to be “The End” but she got distracted. I just thought I’d share the inner workings of my toddlers brain. It seems like a fun place to be.

Warning to my husband

New Photo Hall

I started a project yesterday that I have been referring to as The Project That Made Call A Friend For Advice About Finding A Therapist. I decided to re-do the photo hall completely. As in – take ALL of the photos and frames down and put a completely new set (of photos AND frames) up in it’s place. Before there were just two walls of random wood collage frames. No matching or anything. Perfectly acceptable and WHY DID I NEED TO CHANGE IT?

Well – you see – we’ve spent a lot of money on portraits over the last year. Not “a lot” by some standards, but we did a photo session at Target a year ago with all of MrZ’s family for Mother’s Day. Then, we did another at Portrait Innovations for Christmas last year. Two sessions that produced some great photos that have been in the original envelopes since the day we took them. I’ve been wanting to frame several of them forEVER, and for some reason, thought yesterday would be the day to do it.

Looking back on it now – I realize I should have just pushed the idea to the back of my head along with the desire to wash curtains or scrub grout. Where the ideas that should be ignored are packaged in my brain. WHY DID I LET THAT IDEA OUT?

The one wall now has the photos in the same basic layout that you see on the bed – but it took me about FIVE HOURS. I mapped it out first, did a grid, measured exactly where each hole should go, and went to work. Only none of my numbers seemed to actually work in reality and I ended up balled up in a fetal position in the corner of the living room crying. While holding a hammer in one hand and a level in the other. It was not pretty.

Let’s not even mention the moment of idiocy I had when I stepped up on a step-stool HOLDING MY INFANT SON. Brilliant move, dumbass. Way to get both of you killed.

It’s all done now, thank god. But I want to make sure that I go on record saying that if my Uber-Perfectionist husband says anything whatsoever about anything being crooked or mis-measured, I will beat him with a lazer level. I know it needs improvement, but he is not EVER allowed to mention that in my presence. If he feels the need to correct anything (which he will because he’s that guy who can’t look at a crooked picture for five minutes without needed a stiff drink) he needs to do it WITHOUT ME EVER KNOWING.

Now, if someone finds him strangled in our garage with a tape-measure? You’ll know what happened.

This Face Causes Me Much Pain

I could write an entire blog entry about this face

Do you know what this face is? This is NikkiZ’s I’m-Doing-Something-I-Shouldn’t-Be Face. For example, if she smacked LilZ in the face and then I say, “Did you just hit LilZ?” She’ll make this face and say, “Yeah.” Or she’ll make it as she’s saying something she know she shouldn’t be. I asked her to give me a kiss and she made this face and said, “I don’t wanna give you a kiss.” Or the best was when she made this face as she muttered the word “Dammit” under her breath.

It’s a dead giveaway if we’re unsure if she knows something is wrong or not. If we’re not sure if she’s aware of what she did – this face tells us, “Yes. She’s aware. And also evil.” We think this face is her attempt to distract us with cuteness. Hypnotize us with her adorableness so that we don’t punish her. Something like that.

However, as much as the face strikes fear in our hearts, it also comes in very handy as her tell. I asked her the other day if she needed to go potty and she made this face and said, “No.” Which prompted me to immediately ask, “Did you go potty already? In your panties?” At which time she made the face again and said, “Yeah.”

If she keeps this up, finding out when she’s 17 that she’s been sneaking out to see that good-for-nothing boyfriend we banned her from seeing will be easy. Although I’m betting she’ll hone her deceptive skills by then.

And another thing…

My newfound love for Joss Whedon (Why did I resist Buffy and Angel for so long?) has led me to this gem. A trailer for his new online project that stars Neil Patrick Harris. Another love of mine. If this doesn’t look hysterical, I don’t know what does.

Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

Joss Whedon describes this project: “It’s the story of a low-rent super-villain, the hero who keeps beating him up, and the cute girl from the laundromat he’s too shy to talk to.” Of course. AWESOME.