• I Love Being Pregnant

    My OBGYN’s office has a nurse’s station that surrounds the two bathrooms used by patients to deliver samples through the windows. In other words, these bathrooms are pretty monitored. Which is why I shouldn’t have spent 10 minutes trying to lock the door when giving my own sample yesterday. BUT – I have an extreme fear of being walked in on while peeing. So, I repeatedly tried to lock the door while the nurses or patients walked outside the door probably thinking, “Jeezus, woman. Just pee already and quit screwing with the doorknob.”

    So, I decided to pee. Without locking the door.

    For those of you who haven’t tried to pee in a cup while 36+ weeks pregnant, let me just explain the procedure. You hover and hold the cup and just pee with wreckless abandon praying you’ll hear the pee hitting inside the cup. You can’t aim because you can’t see past your belly. In other words? It’s nearly impossible to do it with any sort of grace.

    Which is why, when someone opens the door to the bathroom, you are possibly in the least glamorous position you’ve ever been in. EVER.

    Now – luckily I was in a very hunched position to begin with so I was able to lunge towards the door to shut it before I made eye contact with anyone on the other side. But – can you guess what happened to my sample? It ended up in the toilet. Which means I walked out with lost urine AND lost dignity.

    It was completely awesome.

    I have no idea who opened the door. Oddly enough, there was no one outside the bathroom when I exited. No nurses or patients in the usually crowded area. I don’t know if everyone ran off because they were embarrassed to have either (a) opened the door on me or (b) not stopped someone from opening the door on me. I know I would have run like a bat out of hell. But not everyone is as mature as I am.

    Either way – the next time? I’ll either find a way to lock the door, or I’ll insist on using the other bathroom. I don’t have enough dignity left to lose if it happens again.