Well…it turns out I’m not so good at making money from home. I did make a little bit, but I found myself not able to get as much done with a toddler around as I needed/wanted to. Which means I was starting to get really stressed out about money because we were about to run through my severance.
(Who am I kidding? I was getting really stressed out about money.)
Luckily – my old job called and wants me back. There have been big changes over there and they have money now. Enough to offer me a raise that will allow me to come back only 3 days a week at first. Which essentially means I’ll be able to bring home close to the same amount of money as I was before, but working only Tues, Wed, and Thursdays. And this means when AndyZ is born, and I go back to work full-time, I’ll make enough to cover both kids in daycare and still bring home a little to pay bills with. So in reality? This is a blessing and a gift and I am eternally grateful we didn’t have to do anything drastic with our finances…like cancel cable.
Now that I’ve gotten the obligatory “I’m So Lucky!” paragraph out of the way – can I get down to the irrational but very true part and have none of you judge me?
I cried all night long.
As a matter of fact, I cried just typing that sentence. I’m crying again over the keyboard. I’m a mess!
I’ve enjoyed these two months home with NikkiZ more than I ever imagined I would. I called her daycare yesterday and they’re thrilled to have her back. Of course, there’s no part-time enrollments available so I’ll have to pay full-time for only three days, but it will guarantee she’ll have that spot full-time after AndyZ is born. And having to send her anywhere else would not be something I’d want to do. So, we’ll suck it up. But it took every bit of will power I had not to burst into tears talking to them on the phone. We’re going today to re-register her, and when I told her we were going to see her old teachers she said, “You come with me?” When I told her “Yes,” she got very excited. She really did love it there.
I don’t know. I feel like such an asshole because, I worked for two years before. This is not a big deal. And I need to be a grown-up and quit the damn crying already. It’s just life. And I enjoy working. More importantly – I feel like my family gets a better version of me when I’m not home all day.
But I still can’t stop crying.
And of course – as I do with any life changes – I had to do a redesign of my site last night. It’s my therapeutic way of working through extreme emotions. I apologize if you hate the changes so much, but in reality? It helps me process things to design – and I needed that last night. (Don’t worry, I’m still tweaking a few colors, the sidebar links don’t show up very well.)
I’m still working out the details of when I’ll return officially, but it will be within the next week or so. I’ll know more later today after I drop of registration for NikkiZ at her old daycare. I really am thrilled about this situation because I was starting to run out of options. These people know me, they know I’m pregnant, and they wanted me anyway. There aren’t many companies out there who would feel the same. And I’m excited about the new things I’ll be working on…and about doing that work without a 2-year-old crawling on my back.
Essentially – It’s just the typical situation where my brain is all, “Whoopee! Work! Career! Job! Money!” but my heart is all, “Ouch. This hurts.”