Ever since LilZ took those drama classes last summer, he has wanted to test out his chops at a real audition. Since I’m lazy, I’ve never really found where to go to find out when or where auditions for what plays are. And honestly? It’s not something I felt like really encouraging because I know it’s a path littered with broken dreams.
(Man. That’s just depressing.)
Well – we found out there was an audition this week we missed (of course) but that they were opening it up during call-back night for boys LilZ’s age since there weren’t a lot who came during the regular auditions. I told LilZ about this yesterday morning. He came home from school yesterday afternoon and watched a little bit of the movie adaptation of the same story to familiarize himself with it and practiced with bits of other scripts I found on the internet. And then – pretty much with zero prep and almost zero knowledge of the play – he auditioned last night.
Now – they haven’t official cast the role, but we are 99.99% sure he didn’t get the part. But – the fact that he did that so blindly – blows my damn mind. Do you know how nerve racking an audition is anyway? Much less one for a play you know nothing about? On just a few hours of prep? Nerve racking may be an understatement. I just can’t think of anything strong enough other than I Would Have Rather Pissed My Pants in Public than audition for anything under those circumstances.
He knew going into it that his chances were slim to get the part – but he’s still disappointed. Anyone would be. No one goes to an audition hoping not to get cast. But – does he act like he never wants to try again, like his mother would? (And did. But that’s another story for another day.) No – he wants me to find a mailing list or something for upcoming auditions so he can try again with a little more prep time. MrZ said that every kid and every adult there seemed like they knew each other, so LilZ was also the odd-man out that way. But did that bother him? Nope. It never does. He always puts himself into new situations never scared or worried of the outcome. It blows my damn mind because one thing is for sure: He didn’t get that from me.
I opted not to go with him because the hour-or-so at home before was making me nervous enough. Having to go and watch him would be 10-times worse and I was pretty certain I would have made him nervous. I also can’t handle it as his mother. I knew going into it that they probably weren’t going to give the part to him. I knew we were doing this for the experience of a real audition. I knew he would be the one there with the least experience. I knew all of these things. But still. I don’t think I could bear to watch his face as other kids got called back to try again and he didn’t. I would have had to resist the urge to either (a) cry in the corner or (b) DEMAND they cast my son or else. What would that make me? I don’t think that would make me a “Stage Mom” really – but I’m fairly certain it would make me “The Mom In The Loony Bin.” Or worse, “The Mom Who Can’t Come Within 500ft Because Of The Restraining Order.”
It’s just, as his mother, I don’t want to see him disappointed. There was a part of me last night that hoped he would come home and never want to try again. Actually – I would say that was the majority of what I was feeling. Talking to him last night, getting his recap of the evening, was so tough on me as a mother. Mainly, because he was so brave and mature about it. He was disappointed, of course. And frustrated, of course. But he just wanted to try again. And he wants to see some real plays. (His mother is kinda uncultured and makes him watch re-runs of The O.C. instead.) He wants to take more classes. He wants to go to more auditions. As a mother I’m both incredibly proud of his bravery and drive, and incredibly fearful of my own limited tolerance for his heartbreak. It’s tough. Why can’t he just like video games like other kids his age?
(I’m just kidding.)
I guess it’s all a very valuable learning experience for all of us. MrZ learned that auditions take forever and that maybe next time, he should bring a book. Or a pillow. LilZ learned that you need to have some good prep-time before an audition. And I learned that my 12-year-old son is a braver man than I could ever be.