BlogHer 2006 – Almost as comfortable as getting an enema

So. The Alpha Mom interview. Sigh. Here’s the story:

Leah Peah was asked by Alpha Mom to do interviews of various bloggers. How in the hell I got on the list, I’ll never know, but I was so excited when I got the email from her regarding it, I might have peed a little bit. I’m sure I called everyone I knew to say, “GUESS WHAT?! I’m being interviewed!”

I’m kinda regretting that move now, because they’ll be expecting the link when the thing goes live. And I am thinking I’ll reveal that about the time I reveal the circumference of my thighs. Which is NEVER.

I was actually really nervous about meeting Leah. She is one of those writers who I’ve always thought had the power to change people’s lives with her stories. She writes so truthfully, her entries are so raw and honest and she has moved me with her words in ways few have. I just knew there would be an aura of wisdom around her that I could have only hoped to be permeated by. I was right.

Leah had emailed me the set of questions she would ask days before the actual interview. I memorized my answers and rehearsed giving them so often I could do it while sounding casual and relaxed. Little did I know how much would change when I got in front of a damn camera.

When I got to the appointment, Chris made me beautiful while Mario mic’d me up. It was very surreal because I felt kinda like a rock star. They sat me down and did a few sound checks while Leah got ready. Leah then made sure I had answers to all the questions, and I responded that I did. Because, well, I did. At that moment.

Unfortunately, somewhere between Leah explaining to me how I’d have to wait a beat after she asked the question before I answered and when Mario started filming, I forgot all of my answers. (I also forgot to wait a beat after the questions…because I’m an idiot.) I was unable to speak without saying the word, “Umm…” or “Like…” I also don’t think I used any words with more than two syllables and possibly the two-syllable ones were used incorrectly. Let’s just say I suffered a complete lack of any remotely intelligent conversational skills. All while Leah stayed poised and calm and intelligent and just all-around superb.

As Leah asked me the questions, I racked my brains for my well thought out answers. With most of them? I was quickly able to salvage the precontemplated answers into a mildly intelligent answer. MILDLY. Except, of course, for the question: What is your hot parenting tip?

I’m not even going to tell you what I said, because it was the ONLY thing I could think of since I had used it in a question earlier. And when the interview was almost over? I still couldn’t remember my pre-thought-out answer. And that night? I still couldn’t remember. As a matter of fact – I didn’t remember the answer until the next morning at the airport. My hot parenting tip: Keep a collection of old clothes and jewelery around for play time/dress-up. I mean, it’s not that hot of a tip, but it’s ten times better than the one I gave. I’m a MORON.

After the interview was over, Mario had to film me nodding. Yes, you heard me correctly – NODDING. It was hysterical. The footage would be spliced in with the rest of the interview later – and they did the same for Leah. Except – Leah had to do specific nods as Mario called them out, “Interested nod. Entertained nod. Concerned nod. etc” Leah then sent me off with some Alpha Mom swag as well as a rockin’ bracelet I have shown off to everyone, “Look! Leah made this! I’m so cool!” And yes, I’m well aware that declaring my own coolness is actually quite self-defeating, but I can’t quite help it.

All in all? It was an okay experience. Meeting Leah and the privilege of being interviewed made my fumbling during the interview seem less severe. I’m just praying Mario can perform some voodoo magic and make the final product make me look at least a little intelligent. If that’s at all possible.