Baby’s Fine. I’m Gonna Hurl.

This is the best thing I’ve ever read:

On the day of the glucose tolerance test, eat a large candy bar (at least 2oz) and drink a 12-oz soft drink (no diet drinks). Please complete this sugar load all within 15 minutes.

Do you know what that means? I don’t have to drink that nasty stuff I did ten years ago when I was pregnant with LilZ. I get a CANDY BAR. and a REAL COKE (which I don’t like, but whatever). How cool is that? Modern medical advances are amazing.

My doctor’s appointment went well, except for the sudden onset of the need to hurl, on top of the bloody nose. Yeah – so now? Not only are my gums bleeding at a rate requiring a daily transfusion, but my nose is joining in on the hemorrhage party. Fun times.

Also – with the new Project Get Healthy and Happy at our house – I’ve been keeping my caloric intake at a level appropriate for someone who doesn’t need to gain ANY more weight in their pregnancy. Before last week, I had already gained 26lbs, and you’re only supposed to gain up to 35, so I needed to start monitoring my calories. After one week of less than 1800 calories a day, do you know how much I’ve now gained? TWENTY NINE POUNDS.

That means, in a week where I’ve cut my calories by about 300-500 a day from the LAST 22 weeks, I actually managed to GAIN THREE POUNDS.

WHAT THE HELL?

I’ve decided I must be growing the freakin’ Jolly Green Giantess inside of my uterus. Or maybe it’s the future headmistress at Beauxbaton Academy – Madame Maxime II. Either way, the weight gain is LITERALLY, out of control. I’m still going to keep my calories under 1800, because if I’m gaining weight on that FEW calories, Satan only knows how much I’d gain if I went back to my 2000+.

So yeah. Long story short? No nasty sugar juice for the glucose tolerance test, tons of SEXY bleeding from my gums and nose, and I’m a whale. That’s your pregnancy update for the day.