Confessions

Can anyone tell me why I just purchase the PEOPLE magazine with Kirstie Alley on the cover next to the heading “Livin’ Large?” I’ve thought about it, over the last few minutes, I don’t really think I like her as an actress. Why did I buy this magazine? I watched Veronica’s Closet but that was for Kathy Najimy – who I love. I watched Look Who’s Talking, but not for HER. And what else has she done?

I KNOW why I bought it. It’s simple. The cover says she weighs 203lbs now, along with her quote “I like who I am.” I must have decided in that split second, that I needed to know HOW?! I mean – I am like any mentally warped, weight obsessed, insecure American woman. I am constantly wishing I was just a bit smaller, while simultaneously trying to just “be happy” no matter what size I am.

So – I purchased it on a quest to find out how she, at 203lbs, can be “happy” with herself, while I’m freaking out daily over gaining 20lbs since October. I mean, Christ, what is her secret? If she can be happy at 203, surely I can quit crying when I look in the mirror at my size. But I can’t.

My poor husband has to deal with my dressing room tears, my shouts to “stop looking at me!” when I’m getting dressed, and my closed eyes as I pass by a mirror naked. He’s always telling me I’m beautiful, and I get mad at him. Not that “Oh stop it!” flirty mad. But a genuine, honest to god, “Don’t LIE to me you son of a bitch!” mad. What is wrong with me?

Yet here is a woman, who smiles genuinely. She’s happy in her skin. She loves to cook and loves to eat what she cooks, and she’s proud of it. And she’s GORGEOUS. I want to see GORGEOUS when I look in the mirror, no matter what my size.

Kirstie Alley is my new hero. And I havent even opened the magazine yet.