Disaster Movies meet the Real World

1:00am this morning – Wake up to tornado sirens. Since we saw Day After Tomorrow on Saturday, my first thought is “Oh Shit. If I look out that window and see multiple tornadoes, I’m going to crap all over myself”. Look out window, no wind, no rain, and no nothing indicating bad weather. Turn on TV, while fearing seeing footage of tsunamis washing over the Statue of Liberty. Damn that movie!

1:15 – Sirens turn off, but tornado warning still active. Still no rain. No car-size hail Damn that movie! Go back to sleep.

1:30 – Shoot out of bed at sound of sudden storm. Fear the ice age is eminent. Damn that movie! Be on the look out land born hurricanes. Damn that movie!

1:45 – Turn on TV again – we are still under tornado warning. Consider hiding in bathroom until weather map indicates that the worst part of the storm has already passed. Should have been in the tub 15 minutes ago. Say silent thanks that my stupidity and laziness didn’t get us killed.

2:00 Power out. Shit. Oh well worst part of storm is passed. All we can do is sleep and hope the food doesn’t go bad.

5:30 Wake up. Power still out . Worry more about the loss of food. Realize I can’t do anything about it. Wonder why I feel cold when the AC has been off for hours. Think the ice age must definitely be upon us Damn that movie!. Go back to sleep.

7:30 Wake up. Power back on! Woo! Food should not be spoiled. Get up and start the day.

8:30 Sit down to write an entry about the freaky weather and my fear of the global climate change thanks to that damn movie we saw on Saturday.

8:45 Entry done. Get ready to publish. Friggin’ power goes out again. Go chat with the neighbors about the damn power outages and how thankful I am we live in the Southern US where the temperature drop won’t kill us when the global climate change occurs Damn that movie!.

10:00 Decide to screw living life by candlelight and cold baths. Go to salon to get pretty.

2pm Home. Pretty. Power still on. Write entry quickly. Be on the lookout for 15 degree temperature drops along the Atlantic Current though because I am still fearing the evacuation of the northern hemisphere due to a freak arrival of the next Ice Age before LilZoot gets back from summer camp. Damn that movie!

Takin’ One for the Team.

You know – I own a lot of cheap-ass furniture. Seven years in college (Three as a single mom) leaves you only one option: Shit-board furniture. Or hand-me-downs. Or streetcorner steals. Or yard-sale finds. And now that I have a good paying 9-5 job and a working husband, well, then things like this happen.


This is my son’s bookshelf that collapsed ON MY DAMN HEAD. Yeah – there are usually 3 other shelves, but they ALL chose to fall on my head one day when I was putting stuff up. So – I did the best I could by stacking all the books and games up in piles, and then left it. For two months. What the hell should I do? The bookshelf has been taken apart and put back together at least five times. Its been moved a dozen times. It only cost 35 dollars brand-spankin’-new at Wal-Mart anyway, so it has out-lived its predicted life span. There is no way I’m buying anymore crappy furniture. But we don’t have the money to buy GOOD furniture yet. So. What did I do?

I took one for the team. I got rid of ALL my paperbacks (I have a LOT of paperback books). Now? After rearranging the other shelves around the house – I have one small one empty and ready to fill. Now lookie…


Yeah. Now, when LilZoot comes back from summer camp on Friday, it will be all nice and neat for him. Of course, my paperbacks made the ultimate sacrifice, and there is a little bit of emptiness in my heart now (I obsesses over owning the books I read). But hey – if that’s the biggest sacrifice I ever made for my son? I’d be a lucky woman.

But damn…that was like fifty paperbacks. I’m totally regretting this now – do you think anyone would look at me funny if I went and dug them out?

Rainy Saturday

I woke up this morning kinda pumped and ready to GET. THINGS. ACCOMPLISHED. Do you do that? Wake up with your list of things to do already in place in your brain and motivated to check them all off before lunchtime? Thats how I was. I wanted to get all my chores done before lunch so I could have two days to be reaaaallllyyyyy lazy. Vacuum. Bathrooms. Mopping. Dusting. Pack LilZoot for camp. Teach myself more about blog skins. Walk the dogs. Groceries. Shower. Pedicure…

Then, I saw it was raining.

And I havent done shit since. I’ve been up for two hours. So much for my mental checklist.

Ah..The Joy of Pets

Isnt my floating candle bowl so pretty? See the green leaf candles? And the green stones? Ahh… I love it so.

Floating Candles

What? What did you say? You said there’s something missing? Oh – is there supposed to be WATER in there? I wondered why the candles were never floating. Jeez. Unless – wait – I DID put water in there. I think I filled that damn bowl up this morning. And the day before that. And the freakin’ 100 days before that. But for some DAMN reason, my cats think its their water bowl. And yes – they have perfectly good water bowls, and yes, we leave the toilet seat up for them (What?) – but they STILL drink the water out of my pretty pretty pretty floating candle bowl. And my candles never know the joy of floating for more than an hour at a time. *sigh*

And Look! I bought the dogs new bones four hours ago…

Arent they cool looking? One is peanut butter flavored and one is BBQ Brisket flavored. Yum. And its good for their teeth. And can you tell they like them?

Nyla Bones

But yes – they DO like them. They like them so much we had to take them away. Do you see? They did not look like this four hours ago when I brought them home. They were much bigger. I know what you are thinking: “But Zoot – those bones arent edible – what happened to the other half of those bones?”. I’ll tell you. There are little nyla-bone crumbs all over my carpet now. Small enough that we don’t SEE them openly enough to pick them up and throw them away – but big enough that they HURT LIKE HELL to step on them. Way to say “Thanks Mom”!

Friday Bullets: I Cant Hear You.

  • The swelling along my jaw and neck has gone down – thank GOD. Swollen neck and jaw? Does wonders for my already low self-esteem.
  • 65 people ended up here by searching for “Maroon5” in the last month. I love that. I’ll take the Maroon 5 fans over the person/people who keep getting here searching for “About my breasts and should I massage them?”. FOUR times that search phrase has brought someone here. FOUR. TIMES. If you are asking me? I say – Go for it – massage away – and leave my damn blog out of it.
  • Has anyone braved “Low-Carb Pasta” yet? I’m just curious. I’ve been seeing it around and can’t think of anything MORE unnatural than that. Except the vegetarian corn-dogs I bought my son last week. Those were pretty unnatural – but he said they were good – go figure.
  • Okay – my son? Is working on his tan this summer. After one week of going to the pool with my Sister-In-Law every day (she’s 15, I hired her to watch him) he is a gorgeous shade of brown. He has that gorgeous olive-tone skin that allows him to NEVER EVER burn. He just turns brown. Pretty brown. And me and my office-working, flourescent light-basking, pasty-white ass are beginning to become a tad jealous. Why can’t I get the summer off too?
  • I love smoothies. Yum. I like going to a smoothy-place and ordering a different kind every time – depending on my mood. But these nasty knock-offs by Yoplait or Danon that you can buy at the grocery store? Nasty-ass. At first I was excited “Yeah – smoothies for cheap!” But each time I try one I am reminded why I still pay 4 dollars for the smoothies from the mall.
  • One more week until Harry Potter. One. More. Week.
  • I am so happy Badger made it home on those mastercard commercials. Although I am kinda sad they are over. And can I tell you how THRILLED I am to see so many Boston Terriers on commercials lately. Yeah for Bostons!
  • There is a new album on my photoblogs page. Its a collection of summertime pics I took with my new camera last weekend.
  • Three straight hours of American Idol kinda made me get a taste of crazy in my mouth. One more hour? I totally would have been committed.
  • Since this is a LilZoot Dad weekend, and since his Dad is also taking him to summer camp on Tuesday – then I am about to begin a week long stretch without my son. I am already depressed. Have I mentioned how bad I suffer from separation anxiety when I’m away from LilZ for a long period of time? Yeah- well – stick around the next week – you’ll find out how ugly it gets.
  • Claire got comments finally! Go leave her one. She’s great – and she updates all the time, which I LOVE.
  • So – I would love to make some snarky comment about this season of 24, but since some of you overseas have not SEEN this season yet, then I’ll refrain.
  • I will, however, say that I cried harder after the Joan of Arcadia finale than I have EVER over ANY t.v. show or movie in the history of time. I bawled my freakin’ eyes out people. I am not at all religious – but my GOD (no pun intended) that episode made me cry cry cry like a little baby. yep.
  • I downloaded wordpress and have been setting up the “new” Haiku Smackdown site on it. The current one is actually housed at Typepad. Its kinda tough to learn my way around a NEW program considering I just used MT for the first time in March – but its pretty user friendly – and a HELL Of a lot easier to install than MT thats for damn sure. Anyone else switching? Once this is all in place (BEFORE THURSDAY) we dont have to worry about Typepad crashing and taking our haiku site with it.
  • I love the south. I really do – but if I see another variation of Calvin (as in “& Hobbes”) pissing on some truck symbol, or NASCAR number, or baseball team logo – I am going to beat someone. Seriously. Stop it. Calvin creates his own sports, and builds twisted snowmen, he doesnt piss on Jeff Gordon or Ford Truck owners – get over it – and find a DIFFERENT character to deface – I love Calvin.